Explanation: I appeared as Nikolaus in a German class at Menlo-Atherton High School and
quized all the poor frightened kids on the Adventsgedicht. In case you aren't familiar
with the traditional tale, Saint Nicholas is actually a badass motherf*cker. I highly
recommend David Sedaris' hilarious description of the six to eight black men which are
said to travel with Saint Nicholas.
Shortly after being detained for physical abuse of a naughty minor, Saint Nicholas
escaped from the Anchorage, Alaska state prison after a daring gun-fight with prison
guards. If you believe you've seen him recently, please alert authorities immediately.